Franz Kafka | The Metamorphosis | 1915

Dear Gregor,

I know you’re feeling low about losing your job, but you’d be the first to admit that your lame sales position was already a non-starter and that you didn’t like it much anyway. You still owe Herr Direktor a lot of money, so what can you do?

You are well aware that your family situation is currently somewhat unusual. I believe it is so unique, so compelling, that legions of people would be willing pay top dollar to see it live.

So, consider this: Insect Reality Theatre. My associates and I will provide your home with a glass façade, permitting a view of the interior. Tickets would be sold for daily performances only during specific hours. During this time, you and your family will simply go about your normal business. Before you refuse, please consider that for only a few hours of work per day, the Samsas will make a mint and become the toast of Prague!

Just think of those episodes when your father chased you around whipping apples at you, or when you accidentally wandered into the front room and scared those boarders. Those are moments of comedy gold for which you could be paid!

Moreover, Grete could provide the musical score on her violin. Don’t deny her this chance to perform in front of an audience. I’m also sure your temperamental parents would only love to get in on the act. Best yet, think of Herr Direktor’s jealous face when he sees all those fans lined up outside your house.

Gregor, don’t think of it as an exoskeleton--think of it as an opportunity.

I look forward to your response.

Sincerely yours,
Eddy Portnoy