Anthony Burgess | The Clockwork Testament, or Enderby's End | 1974

Dear Enderby,

I'm right there with you. Can you believe what they did to your Gerard Manley Hopkins script? It's enough to give a man three heart attacks, if not four. Also, you died in the most lurid way imaginable. Can you imagine if they made a movie about your life? I'm sure they would mess it up.

Sincerely,
Joseph Rand

Anthony Burgess | A Clockwork Orange | 1962

Dearest Alex,

Oh you are such a fashionable boy...I mean man...don't rape me! I would have liked to hang out with you and your droogs at the milk bar but then things went a bit poo shaped for you. That bad thing you did, I can't say I expected anything less from you. But now you've done your time I heard you've changed. You see I highly doubt that letters would have been your style back in the day...let me not bore you with this tedious drivel. What I'm saying Alex is you and I, we aren't that different. In simpler terms lets settle down, buy a semi-detached house, have a family, go skiing in the Alps, get a dog, take it for walks together, fly kites, teach the children to ride bikes and grow old together.

Love,
Alice Askew

P.S. I'm not usually this forceful but my feelings have been building up for so long now. I apologize for this erratic behavior.

P.S.S. I snatch that apology right back because apologizing for one's natural behavior seems petty now.