Coming from a Catholic family, you likely were raised on the idea of Reconciliation through Penance, the law of divine forgiveness only granted after suitable regret is shown. Suitable regret includes reparation toward the wronged party.
You could not handle abandonment, and your dependents suffered for it. You poisoned your dog, nearly killed your son, and forced your ten-year-old daughter to cook, clean, even tend to her brother. You repented, caring for your children, your house, and your job. You did not explode when your daughter screeched she wished your husband's lover was her mother, she had nicer hair than you, and you had to go and give her your hair, not your husband's hair or your husband's lover's hair. You did not strike your son when he said his father was more fun, nicer, and better besides.
There is a flaw within Reconciliation. If one commits a deed, one can do it again, and Jesus decreed forgiveness to be given "not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times."
I only hope your current partner does not leave you; you would not survive it.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Elena Ferrante | The Days of Abandonment | 2005