Stephanie Meyer | New Moon | 2006

Dear Bella,

Grow a pair, sweetheart, and dump your stalker boyfriend Edward -- you know he is a stalker, right? This is 2010, my love. You do not need a man to rescue you. Go out and get yourself a real man who doesn't watch you sleep and follow you wherever you go. I also wouldn't recommend Jacob either. Can you imagine how much time a wolf would spend in your bathroom getting ready? Eww, not to mention all the clogged drains.

Sincerely,
Jennifer Rayment